I recognise that there are certain aspects of my personality that others may find annoying. I admit many of my qualities can be perceived as negative, such as stubbornness, inability to see things right in front of me & forgetfulness. My wife would most willingly add many more to the list with detailed explanations as to their severity & numerous examples.
I also understand that my gender can present its own dilemmas in such a female dominated profession. The simple art of communication can bring up a plethora of issues. While I avoid stereotypes in most instances there are some generalisations that can be made. Men & women tend to communicate in different ways. They also often have a different approach to various situations.
I am stating this as part of a personal reflection. I am discovering that my actions, body language & tone of voice are implying disrespect, arrogance or an 'I know better' attitude when this is usually far from true. I have worked on the delivery of how I present myself to others, but can sometimes slip back into old habits. I would like to think that I use constructive feedback to better improve how I perform as an individual, both personally & professionally, as well as part of a team. However, whenever I am working changing on how I do something it takes conscious though until it becomes second nature. Even then there may be times when I revert back to my old way of doing things as they are still part of my make up.
I hope that everyone goes through these crises from time to time & I am sure that it's not specific to one gender or the other. Yet I can't help feeling sometimes that I'm being such a bloke in so many ways. Sometimes that's a good thing while on other occasions it's not so pleasant.
I am a firm believer in lifelong learning & so I see such instances as opportunities for me to enrol in the school of life. But I also sense that my inherent maleness leads to a propensity in such thickheadedness. The odd need to knock some sense into me will probably always exist. I can work on various skills till the cows come home, but the crux of the matter is that I cannot change who I am & I wouldn't want to.
I try to be empathetic towards others & inclusive of all colleagues. yet for all my efforts I am aware that I can still be a nightmare to deal with at times. Maybe it's the bloke in me, but I think that's over simplifying it. It's who I am & although I can change my behaviours or work on my skills, the fundamental things that make me ME will remain. I'm not perfect. In fact I'm far from it. I just continue to try to be the best me I can be. I am open to any suggestions, within reason of course.